Anonymous asked you:
Hi dear Alec. Question, why so averse to uploading video updates? What I appreciated about it was that it’s simplicity, you, music. You don’t try to entertain. And your video is like people post photographs, but more human because it’s a moment in the life of a blogger that I’ve been following since you were alecshao not likeafieldmouse. I’m curious how you’ve been getting on lately and what your hopes are. Thank you for being yourself. I have really come to love who you are.
I have no aversion, as long as you don’t expect me to be entertaining or inspiring. I don’t have anything inspiring to say, so if it’s simplicity you appreciate, I’ll do what I did last time, just sit here, switch my monitor on and be.
I’m tired and struggling, I won’t pretend otherwise. I was feeling pretty strong for a while last year, but at this point, I just want to spend my time with my friends and family. I’m happy just being home and being around people I love and who love me. I no longer have any wild expectations for my future.
There’s an abundance of Tumblr hotties around, I’m not one of them and I don’t expect my looks to improve. I don’t expect my eyelashes to grow back, much less my scalp hair being as I’m a walking pharmacy and my health has been deteriorating pretty steadily for the past few years. I post updates very quietly in my blogger status so that anyone who isn’t a friend or isn’t interested doesn’t have to be bothered with it. My blog doubles as a personal blog sometimes but I try to keep it as off to one side as I can.
I feel inexpressibly fortunate to be loved and don’t have many complaints.
So, again, this is me at my most recent. Exactly as I am, for you and the other messages in my inbox asking why only one video. I will move this off your dashboards later on if not delete it altogether, and please keep any derogatory comments to yourselves.
I will be on Tumblr less regularly as I continue my cycles here at home, and then depending on how successful they are I’ll return to Durham; but Tamara has been doing me the tremendous favor of updating my blog out of the posts saved in my drafts, so there will probably be no interruption.
(I’m listening to Philip Glass. I was a little startled at the end there by a loved one walking past unexpectedly, so apologies for the awkward smiling.)
There is something deeply profound and romantic about this clip. The combination of music, facial expressions and body movements makes it feel as though it is a piece of art on it’s own, yet it is just a clip of a blogger sitting in front of a screen. But yes, why not call it art; because it is.